Sunday, February 23, 2014

Fat Love.


You know that Bon Iver song, Skinny Love? Yeah, the one that, like, defined a generation. Well, did you know that it's not actually a love song? If you listen to the lyrics, it's…a break-up song. Then again, I guess that whole album is a break-up album. You know, a guy's band splits up, his girlfriend (Presumably named Emma?) leaves him, he retreats to his dad's hunting cabin in the woods and writes a very depressed, but ultimately incredibly successful album. It's a classic tale of love, woe, triumph and Kanye West. Anyway, not a love song, maybe don't pick it for the first dance at your wedding.

Skinny Love probably doesn't refer to a thin beloved, but rather an underfed emotion. Well, you know what's the opposite of skinny love? Yeah. That's what I'm feeling these days.

While I still have an intense need for solitude and independence, lately I also have a sometimes overwhelming amount love for those that I am spending my time with. And I don't just mean my cats and the husband.

Whether it be friends who show up unexpectedly and are up for spontaneous fun, or my funniest, best girls, or people whom I see almost daily and who invite us over for dinner at the end of a long, hard night, or those who go on walks with me in the cold and the rain, or all the amazing women who've sat me down in the last month and said really kind things about my writing, lately it seems like I've got everyone who matters in my corner and I'm really, really grateful for them.

They come and sit in the kitchen and drink tea and talk about deep things in the same breath as they make irreverent jokes, tell tall tales, are sweet and silly and self-depricating and honest. They send emails with the kindest words, for invitations and ideas. They are generous, with gifts that didn't need to be given, but are appreciated all the same, but most importantly with their time.

More than that, more than the people in my life, I suddenly feel a lot more able to love my life just as it is. Maybe it's partly just a hormonal balance being restored with attention and medicine, or maybe Mercury is about to come out of retrograde, but things are starting to make a lot of sense to me.

Let me be the first to admit that other people's problems can seem so small and manageable to me and their good fortunes appear more formidable than my own. I'm sure that this effect is all the more greater, if you're only looking at images of snowfalls and new ten dollar rugs and jars of goat kefir fermenting.

I know that from the outside my life might seem like one endlessly fun walk in the woods. In many ways and most days it is. But there are certain parts of it I'm not happy with, certain patterns I keep repeating and emotional issues left over from much harder times.

I know, have known for a long time, that I have lot to be grateful for. That in the grander scheme of things I'm really lucky. But there's a difference between knowing and knowing. One's own luck is hard to internalize. You may count your blessings day in an day out, with all your fingers and toes, and there'll still be days when you'd be ready to trade out lives with almost any old stranger, just to get out of the messes you've made and out of your own head for a while. At those times, it's easy to let your love starve.

I wish I could tell you that I'm so enlightened that I never struggle to love my life, friends, family, neighbors, enemies, strangers, or myself, for that matter, but that would be a lie  total bullshit. Or that I don't sometimes consider other people hell. Or that I don't sometimes often wake up in the morning and wish I could just hike up to some hunting cabin in Wisconsin and mend whatever part of me is currently in need of repairs.

But then along comes some real calamity, or a simple internal shift that reminds me just how good I have it.

I'm not exactly sure which of those two is happening for me right now, but I'm feeling my luck keenly these days. The forward momentum of this year seems to be moving things along, not just in the physical sense, but emotionally as well.

It's not often that the hard things seem smaller than the good things, the obstacles surmountable, even the most difficult people tolerable. So when it does happen, you don't have to tell me to patient, fine, balanced and kind.

And you certainly don't have to tell me to feed my love with maple candy.

How's your love? I hope it's well-nourished.

16 comments:

  1. Did that song really define a generation? It might out me as an old lady but every time I hear it on the radio I roll my eyes and switch channels. Something about Bon Iver rubs me the wrong way. I like one or two songs and that is all I can take of Justin Vernon as a solo artist anyway.

    But I like your concept of fat / well-nourished love! Also I think it can be applied to self-love too. Right now I'm working on beefing mine up. It was getting a little frail and when I'm like that it makes it harder to be around (and loving toward) other people.

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    1. Interesting article and I Banget Fill It Love
      Fraternal greetings from our.

      obat aborsi | obat telat bulan | jual obat aborsi

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  2. i once had a boss/wondrous mentor tell me these things: first, don't put more than 5 things on your to-do list daily. second, she taught me to always say to myself "there is enough time, there is enough love, there is enough money."

    glad you are feeling the abundance, friend. XO

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    1. Great advice! Writing that down now :)

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  3. Dear Milla, there must indeed something in the stars, or in the subtle energy currents flowing through all of us, because I have been quite overflowed with love these days, for my sweet friends, for the wonderful women I am working with, and for "mon amoureux" across the ocean. This love wells up in me and fills me up, overflows around me, and I feel so grateful and lucky. I want to protect them all from any difficulties in their own lives, and I am overjoyed for all the good things that happen to them. Often, I feel privileged to share their radiant vibes, to be in tune with their beautiful souls.

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  4. Love this post, just like all your other incredible posts. The picture of the cat on the colourful rug. Awesome.

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  5. I've never thought of love as nourished or undernourished, but it resonates with me to think of it that way as I experience my own neglected (skinny?) love suffering from its first hunger pangs. And speaking of hunger, those maple candies look so appealingly simple and delicious.

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  6. Love this, the idea that emotion can be nurtured and nourished. Also, that shot with all the snow in your hair is perfection. Yay, snow! :)

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  7. Mä olen salaa epäillyt tätä jo aiemmin, mutta nyt oon täysin vakuuttunut. Sä olet noita. Tai meedio. Tai molempia. Tai sitten sulla on vaan megalomaaniset antennit, joiden tiedostamaton ulottuvuus yltää jopa tänne maailman laitaan nimeltä Suomi. Rakkaus voi tosiaan kuihtua onnettomaksi hengettömäksi rimpulaksi jos ei ole varovainen, ja jos sitä ei muista ruokkia, lukuisilla aidolla voilla, hunajalla ja kukkasilla kuorrutetuilla aterioilla..
    Oli monta sellaista päivää, väritöntä, harmaata, mautonta. Kaikki kysymykset vailla vastausta, ja rakkaus reppana kyyhötti hylättynä nurkassa. Sen kummempaa se ei kuitenkaan vaatinut kuin yhden tekstiviestin, jossa kerrotaan, että tapahtuu uusi asia, johon liittyy hyvä ihminen, joka tulee tuomaan turvaa, ruokkimaan mielikuvitusta, antamaan toivoa. (Tämä liittyy Frida marinaan :). Lisäksi itseä huomattavasti nuorempi henkilö tulee puhelimen välityksellä maininneeksi, että on ostanut kirpparilta Carole Kingin Tapestryn (ja kotona googlettanut, koska tosiaan, levyhän ilmestyi -71, ja kuka se sellainen Carole King on..). Kyseinen levy on soinut täällä koko päivän, sillä tuloksella että suunnilleen viisi nuorta neitiä on tullut kysymään "kuka tässä laulaa, tuleeko tää radiosta?" Kirjoittavat muistiin älypuhelimiinsa.
    Ulkona paistaa varaslähdön ottanut kevätaurinko. En huomaa eilen suunnatonta ahdistusta aiheuttaneita likaisia ikkunoita. Pidän ruokataukoa, luen lumihiutaleiden keskellä seisovan noitanaisen sanoja. Kaikkea on äkkiä tarpeeksi.

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  8. lovely post! beautiful life! xo m

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  9. I feel, sweet Milla, that lately you and I have been on the same wavelength, and I feel like I am reading my own thoughts when I visit your blog. A very strange but comforting feeling. Yes, that big fat love shines through. I am so glad you are feeling it. ;)

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  10. Lovely sentiments. I feel blessed to share in your life and overflow of love. I hope it continues for you :) x

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  11. My husband and I wanted to pick Skinny Love for our wedding song but decided not to because of the lyrics :) we played Re: Stacks later in our reception because of the line "your love will be safe with me." And coming from a person who lives in Wisconsin (though not in a cabin), I can confirm your suspicions that your life would not be any greener here. Life is good, but I'm learning that love can grow anywhere.

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  12. Interesting to read about gratefulness, as I often struggle with the advice to "be grateful", as if it's as easy as that and needs no further explanation. I'm very grateful for what I have, but that doesn't mean that everything is fine. It's indeed the difference between knowing and KNOWING, or maybe really feeling it, like I imagine you are doing now, filled with fat love.

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  13. I have a friend living in Venezuela right now and she daily wonders if she's safe, and is hoping to leave her country of birth for a place she can live in peace and safety. It really puts my easy, cushy life here in Canada into perspective and is forcing me to appreciate the things I take for granted. I have to admit, my love is pretty skinny these days nonetheless. I moved here almost a year ago but winter turns me into a hermit and I've strayed away from the ones I love. I'm hoping warmer weather will break me from that habit!

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