Friday, August 9, 2013

It's supposed to be fun, remember?

In my herbal women's group someone was saying that the new moon is a though time for them emotionally. Yeah. Me too. Mostly it's because if I'm in the swing with my own moon time, it's when that happens. The last couple of days, I've been feeling...well, blue. Worn-down. Hard-pressed. Confused. Apprehensive.

There are big changes coming and they're starting to come fast now. A part of me finds this unmanageable, wants to dig in and hide out. Especially under the new moon.

This summer has not been my favorite and summer is not my favorite time here. Not with a business I can barely keep up with, a garden I can barely keep up with, a social life I can barely keep up with...

I feel almost ashamed of writing about it here. A lot of other folks would give a lot to have my life, my opportunities. Everything is working out just fine and still I feel this undercurrent of cold dread.

The things I really want to do, are eluding me. Working in the garden, canning, working on my stories, making clothes for a very special little doll, trying out new jewelry. Even from a distance, I can feel the crush of the modern world. It's landing on my shores daily.

About the only thing I genuinely look forward to is our hike to Sourdough Mountain in three-and-a-half-weeks.

And then I remember.

For everything lost and missed, something's been found and had. For every moment alone needed, fun with others has happened. For every missed craft another one has been made. Cheer, up old bean. Life is good. And it's the only one you've got.


  1. This reminds me of a passage from a book I just finished reading. The author talked about her realization that there is light and dark to everything; stress is just the other side of calm, sadness is just the other side of happiness, the list goes on. Where there is one there must be the other as well.

    So maybe there's comfort to be found in knowing that joy and fulfillment and peace are already here, already possible. They just need to be turned around. Although I'm not saying it's easy.

    I wish you luck in getting into your happy place, girl.


  2. This new moon has been a strange one, indeed - it seems the same energy is resonating for everyone sensitive to it right now (me included!). It's definitely raised my anxiety more than I've experienced in a good while, requiring a lot of effort to overcome.

    I find the end of summer always a bit exhausting - the longer days keep us active longer, and thus tire us out more. I tend to flourish best in the summer months, but I do welcome autumns quiet arrival. It's nice to turn inward after the flurry of the summer. :)


  3. i hear you girl!! I'm really trying to focus on the present moment and be HAPPY and free but there are so many looming what ifs and to dos and hustles to get on. Ohhh, it makes a body tired. I just wanna hide under the covers, eat cookie dough lara bars (gluten freee!) and watch boardwalk empire. xo m

  4. A dear friend of mine once told me that we feel the effects of the fool moon 3 days before hand and 3 days after. I wonder if it is the same with the new moon. I myself have been feeling more down, more anxious. Anxiety and the fullness and the newness of the moon go hand in hand. Sometimes it works, bit I wish that every day that I struggled that I remembered all the things I have to be grateful for. It's amazing for all the things that we don't have there are all the things that we do have. Yet our bodies become worn, tired, our souls overstimulated and it takes conscious thought to just take a deep breath, breath it all in, let it go, and realize the beauty of what is. August is almost over sweet one, new things will come your way. Do what you can for will we ever be able to do it all? Big hugs to you!

  5. now i wish i had followed through on my impulse to write you a letter a month ago or so. i feel this way around the new moon, inner moon too, you know i do. so you've got my heart holding the hand of yours, friend. i am surprised to hear that this summer has been hard, since, like you write, from the outside it looks outstanding. but i'm sure it's like a colleague who asked me how i was on an especially hard day the other day. i gave the tight smile i often do these days and said 'o.k.'. he said, 'i'd say more than ok. you look pretty awesome to me.' . after i got past the impulse to kick him in the shins for having no fucking idea, i just said thanks. and i will thank you for those mums (so. good.) and for your open and honest share. love you milla dear. wish you were closer so we could have girl chat and i could show up for you in a way less flimsy than the internet. xo

  6. Excellent advice Milla :) Speaking of, would you mind messaging me your address?

  7. Kindred spirits with this summer, you and I! I have felt this same feeling, and then feeling guilty right afterward because I am confusing feeling overwhelmed with feeling ungrateful. I think they are two separate issues, really. But yes. It has been a crazy one, and I am glad that I am not the only one feeling this way. But I do love your outlook on life, always.

    Here's hoping the fall will be an amazing one!

    P.s.- you are sooooo beautiful!

  8. "Katsohan kristallivettä
    soljuu se kyynelettä
    salmeen hiljaiseen.
    Laulavat helmiäiskalat
    itsekin laulaa alat, yöhön hopeiseen.

    Laulusi kilahtaa veteen,
    huntuevien eteen,
    helmeksi simpukkaan.

    Kuutamoyönä on väärin,
    laulaa mielin määrin
    ...joudu jo nukkumaan."

    (Marja-Leena Mikkola/Anni Manninen)

    Ihana syksy ja hämärtyvät illat, tervetuloa höyryävä teekuppi, vanha jazz ja käsityöt iltalampun valossa.

  9. Niin samoissa maastoissa mennään. Kaikkia uusia jännittäviä ovia on aukeamassa, miten voikin olla, että asioita vaan tupsahtaa elämään kun ei liikaa yritä. Mutta silti kiristelen leukaperiäni ja tunnit eivät meinaa nukkumiseen riittää ja usein unohdan katsoa ympärilleni missä upeassa kohtaa elämääni olen.
    Tänään sain viestin, että kiitollisuus... siitä on kyse, sitä lisää. Ei sen monimutkaisempaa.
    Täysikuu O