Friday, July 26, 2013

Boats And Birds

Mercury in retrograde was shockingly gentle on our family. Hardly anything broke. Hardly any misunderstandings happened. Hardly anything was lost. The opposite actually. Things fixed, relationships cleared up, of old confusions sorted out, things found, among them my wedding ring that's been missing for six months!

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However, it doesn't take much to derail our best laid plans during summer's wear and tear. On Wednesday, C. hurt his back really bad and hasn't been able to get out of bed since then (or turn on his side for that matter), all the while I'm supposed to be busting my butt to make most of the summer's money flowing in.
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I was in the middle of a mess of writing, working on my shop, doing preserves. I felt defeated. This too? Now what? WTF? We'd been on a good run, things coming in, working out, appearing out of nowhere when needed, if only on their own momentum and faith. 
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(A stranded baby seal. They get so tired they have to come onto the beach to nap. If you ever see a seal pup on the beach, stay away, call Marine Mammal Strandation folks. Don't go pet its head 'k?)
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I felt like sitting down on the floor like a kid and crying.

Thoughts running through my head, like so many fluttering, panicky birds. "I need a vacation. I need a break. I can't do this."
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Instead I got on the phone. I called friends, neighbors, I called C.'s mom. Amelia worked a day for me, my mother-in-law came to watch over C. so that I could go do stuff, a friend picked her up from the ferry, brought necessities and plums and pickles, another friend made a house call for massage.

I don't usually ask for much, I like to be strong and self-sufficient, I don't expected others to bear my burdens. But when absolutely necessary it's a great comfort to be carried and supported.
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I still need a vacation. I still need a break. But in the meantime, I do my breathing exercises. I paddle around the bay for a few minutes every once in a while. Or pretend that my photo shoots are actually nature walks. Or make fancy meals to avoid doing tedious chores.
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Summers go fast. They simmer over and fizzle out. In some ways our lives here resemble nature's frantic cycle.
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And when they're over, we'll miss them. But what I wouldn't give right now for some cool autumn air.

Happy High Summer!

11 comments:

  1. Hi hon, sorry to hear about C's back! Persistent back pain is incredibly difficult to deal with. Hope it gets better real soon. I also hear you on accepting help; hard to ask for, hard to accept, but once done, what a relief! And people that love us, want to help. It always feels great to comfort and assist. So you're unintentionally helping them too right. It feels like Spring is already here, which is terrifying. It isn't even August yet, July and August are traditionally our coldest months. love to you. x

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  2. Oh I'm sorry to hear it. If its any consolation that was me two weeks ago. I felt so defeated and was thankful, but also vulnerable having to rely so much on the help of others. However things will get better, and in a couple weeks you'll be relieved and working on new projects. Sometimes taking a day off and going somewhere you've never been can feel like vacation. Will be hoping for calm!

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  3. i feel ya! i need a vacation too, i think i'm the only one at work to have not taken more than a weekend off so far this summer, it wears on you for sure! hope C recovers soon!

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  4. Come visit me on Orcas for a little R and R... That if I survive Mercury in retrograde... (Broke up with D, staying with a friend, car broke down.. no joke.)

    xoxo

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    1. Oh Em! So sorry. Miss you. Let's talk soon, if I survive this weekend. Love.

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  5. oh no! i hope C recovers soon. hang in there and good for you for asking for help :)

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  6. asking for help is something i've only very recently learned how to do. hold on to it, dear, it is a valuable skill!

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  7. damn that back!! bummer! Hope he's mending and catching up on his reading/daydreaming. xo m

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  8. Hang in there bud, I know the storm will calm soon for you. Stopped by the shop today, it is looking so pretty! I hope you can vacation soon and Charlie heals up fast. Back pain is no fun... Take care Milla, I'll check in next when I return from the coast. Wish I could be more help. xoxo Lissa

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  9. awww man! so sorry to hear about C. Milla :) Keep your head up, he will get better soon :) I had a horrible back injury a few years back after lifting too many heavy boxes when we moved to Mexico. It was the worst way ever to make an international move. No amount of chiropractic or western medical attention helped whatsoever. I was literally a cripple for a few months, it was really emotionally depressing for me because I was young and felt immobile. Turned out it was bulged discs. Yoga got me through and helped heal my back slowly over the course of several years. I hope that C. heals quickly and that you are able to find some time for rest yourself :)

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  10. oh dear friend i hope the tides have turned by now on this situation, or that you are somehow calmly sitting upon the masts of it riding the waves with all the determination and calm in the world. but even if not, a good cry or yell can do wonders sometimes. i send healing energy and little kindnesses up island-way and i wish you luck through the rest of summer!

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